They have been doing such an amazing job at transcripting a lot of my videos directed towards the trans community and I am so thankful for them. Most of my videos recently have been scripted so I really appreciate the fact that they went through and transcripted all of this. It means alot to me. And those these words are my own, I am so thankful to Lavender Sink Collective for their hard work. Everyone needs to go and support them and their work. <3
[Image: Screenshot of Kat Blaque in her latest video; she is wearing a black sleeveless T-shirt and looking toward the bottom left of the frame.]
Hey guys it’s Kat, and this is going to be a little bit of a rant—I wanted to make this video for several reasons: something I kind of wanted to talk about. And, I hope that people listen to me in this video; I’m going to be saying a lot of things that, you know, I’m really directing toward younger trans girls. And I know to speak to trans girls, because I can’t speak to trans men, so sorry if this video is a little polarizing for people. [Pause] I feel like we need to be real about hormones. We need to be completely 100% honest about hormones, because I think that there’s a little bit of a disservice that’s being done—through the YouTube community and just through how a lot of people view hormones in general. Now I’ve been on hormones about four years—probably more at this point because I’ve kind of lost count—but four years for sure. And [pause] there are some things that I’ve definitely noticed that I wanted to share with you guys, so that’s what this video is definitely going to be about.
So first of all—hormones are great. You know, I don’t want to downplay the importance of hormones, or what they can do for you, or how amazing they can be. However [slight laugh] hormones are not going to do everything, and I think that is something that people need to understand. People need to understand that hormones are [long pause] first of all, hormones react to people differently. A lot of people look at how I look, and they attribute it all to hormones. And I wanted to kind of dissect that, because I think it is super important to understand a couple of things. Because when you watch things like “Transition Timelines,” you kinda get a certain impression, and it’s not necessarily the most truthful impression.
You know, a lot of people, you watch these Transition Timelines, and you’re looking at how feminine this person is getting, and you’re thinking to yourself, “Oh my gosh, hormones did all of that, I really need to get on my hormones, da da da da da.” Well, the truth of the matter is when it comes to things like feminization, it’s kind of like, it’s a process, it kinda of a learning thing. You know I was full-time a year and a half before I took a single hormone, right, and I did that mostly because of where I was in my situation in life, but also because I knew that living full-time, and actually living in that space, would be super beneficial to me. And I really don’t agree with this idea of forced real-life experience [NOTE: “real-life”—a standard care requirement that transgender people live for a year in their target identity before starting medical transition] because I do think that’s kind of problematic, however the way I looked before I started full-time versus how I looked after I started going full-time and was going into getting my hormones [pause] it’s night and day. Because I was actually living in that space for over a year, so there’s actually a lot of little things that you learn how to do, in terms of just like minimal things.
Like, putting on makeup, like shaving eyebrows, you know, making sure that you are presented in a certain way, because now you kind of have a little bit more freedom in presenting yourself in the way that you actually want to. And even for cis women, it’s a learning curve of how learning to put on the makeup in the way that you want to, learning what suits your face, like it’s a process, and that’s something that I think a lot of trans people downplay. A lot of trans people think that, you’re gonna get on hormones, and you’re gonna get, it’s gonna look so great, you know—everything is gonna get feminized, and that’s just not how that works. You know, hormones in truth don’t do that much. Realistically, they don’t do that much. They can ONLY do so much. You know, a lot of people look at something like my breast size, and they think “Oh hormones,“ but if you watch my “Draw My Life” video or you watch a couple of other videos where I’ve talked about this, you know that I started developing breasts when I was thirteen. I don’t know what that was about, I don’t even care to find out what it was, but I started developing breasts at thirteen. So before I even started hormones, I had breasts. So you can’t look at my chest and think, “that’s what I’m going to get on hormones,” because that’s not necessarily true. And even when you talk about that, even when it comes to that, different people are going to have different results. You know, so keep that in mind. You know, some girls I’ve known that have been on hormones for as long as I have, and they don’t have breasts that are even near what my size is naturally. And that’s not me bragging, that’s just realistic. You know, some girls aren’t gonna get that much breast growth, and that’s true—that’s just real. You know, so, that’s just something I think people need to hear, and understand. Because, hormones—it’s gonna promote that, and your breasts will definitely grow, but they may not grow to that much of a substantial size. And when it comes to that, you’re gonna have to look into surgery, if that’s what you want. So, keep that in mind, you know. Keep that all in mind.
You know, when I first started taking hormones, I walked into it with a very low expectation type approach. Because for me, at the time, it was literally a situation where I’ve been full-time, and I just needed to take hormones because I didn’t want to age a certain way. And so that was just the mind space I was in; it wasn’t because I wanted to become more feminine, or because I wanted this or that, it was because I didn’t want to age a certain way. And I’m glad that I started, because I’m pretty sure that I would have looked very different if I had waited.
Something else I wanted to talk about is self-medicating. And I might end up making a separate video about this, because this video is getting really long. But, I have a lot of girls that message me about self-medicating. And I want to say first and foremost: when I started my hormone transition things were very different. You had to go through therapy, you had to do a bunch of little different things, you had to jump through hoops, and I started looking into alternatives and I found out that self-medicating was a thing. I looked up all my information, I found out all the websites, I didn’t ask anybody for a link to a website, I just did all my research, found a great group to look at, found a couple of websites to look at, found out what I was taking and what it was gonna do to my body, figured out that it was okay for me, and then I started to actually self-medicate. When girls send me messages about “where do you get your hormones?,” I get a little pressed because A. things are very different for trans people right now than when I started my transition, there are way more resources out there for you, so—and I always say this—check out your gay and lesbian center. The gay and lesbian center helped me get actually to a doctor to take my hormones because they told me it was a thing. I didn’t know it was a thing until I actually went and asked for some help. And, a lot of major metropolitan areas have gay and lesbian centers that have those resources available to you, so you should always start there first. You know, start there first, and if you’re in a situation where that doesn’t exist, you can look into alternatives. But even when it comes to self-medicating, you need to do your research.
The reason I get so pressed when girls ask me for a link to a website is because you can find that information fairly easily. Fairly easily. And the fact that you have to message me and ask me for it tells me that you’re not doing your research, and if you’re not doing your research, you’re really somebody who shouldn’t be self-medicating, you just aren’t, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You really have to know what you’re doing, because there are people who are hospitalized for this. I know people personally who have been hospitalized for self-medicating, and it wasn’t even on much [medication]. Also, I’m not a doctor, I’m not a doctor. You know, I’m not gonna give you dosages, or tell you what to take, how to take it, da da da da. Because I don’t want to be responsible for something happening to you. And I think it’s really irresponsible for you not to know that information yourself. So, I hope that no one things I’m being shady when I reject girls with message like that, because I’m always willing to help people, but when it comes to hormones, it’s just something I’m not interested in helping, because it’s—I can tell you what it’s like to be on hormones, like my [body] changes and things like that, but actually talking to you about where to get it and things like that, it’s just not gonna happen. Because I don’t want to be that person who told you here’s where to get it, and then you end up dead. I mean, it sounds like i’m being crazy and I’m over exaggerating, but it happens—it does happen. These things are dangerous, these things affect your liver—so it’s really important that you know what you’re doing to yourself if you self-medicate. And if you’re not interested in doing the research and getting all that knowledge, then you really shouldn’t be doing it. And on top of that, even if you go to a doctor, you should know what you’re doing, you should know what the standards of care for trans people are. So if your doctor isn’t doing something right, which a lot of endocrinologists aren’t because they just have no experience with trans patients, you need to know your information, because at the end of the day—it’s your body. It’s your body, you’re the person who’s gonna be living with it, you’re the person who’s transitioning, so if somebody isn’t doing something right, there not giving you enough [hormones] da da da da da, you need to let them know. You need to let them know, through the standards of care, “this is what I need to be taking, and I just need your assistance with this.” You know, so it’s important that you know what you’re talking about, and know that you’re doing. I’m not a doctor, I can’t give you everything, so please don’t lean on me and expect me to, because I’m not, that’s not what I can do for you, I’m sorry.
With all that being said, I really hope that people hear what I’m saying in this video. And you know—I look at hormones like this, hormones to me—it’s like putting a dollar in a jar everyday. After a week, you may be able to buy a snack or something, but after a couple of years, you’ll be able to buy something big, because it really is this building process. I watch a lot of trans girls on YouTube, and I get very concerned when I hear them talk about “oh, my face—I took hormones for two days and my face is doing this, my legs are doing that, my body everything is changing, and I’m just so much more feminine,” because that’s just not how hormones work. And a lot of hormones for people, it’s just this placebo effect, so I worry that sometimes girls get a little overzealous because of what they’re doing, and that their gonna get disappointed down the line when they realize this is not how things are happening. So, I’m just saying, just take it with a grain of salt. Don’t just expect this to be this crazy night-and-day transformation, ‘cause it’s not. Do not downplay the importance of real-life experience, it’s so important, I think. You know, again I don’t feel comfortable about enforcing it, but I feel like if more trans girls actually sat down, and lived full-time for about a year and a half, and just actually started transitioning, and actually started living and feeling in that space, I think they would have a way different interpretation of how transition works. Because for me I learned I didn’t need that much. And that has affect how i feel in transition right now. I mean, I’m coming to you right now, and I don’t have any makeup on. You know, that’s something I learned. I learned that I didn’t need too much, I learned to just rely on what’s naturally here. You know, so.
Anyway, on that note—I hope this video is helpful. I know it’s long, but you know—something I feel like I should just come to you guys and not have a poppy video, I should just talk to you about, hey—here’s the deal. I feel like I’m getting a lot of messages about hormones, and I really don’t want anyone to think that I’m being shady by not helping them out but, you know, but I need people to understand that, this is your life, this is your body, you need to be invested in your care. You need to be invested in what you’re taking and what you’re doing to yourself. Because it can be dangerous, it really can be. So, you know—be thoughtful about it. On that note, thank you guys for watching. Don’t forget to like, share, comment, and subscribe, and don’t forget that you are beautiful and you are loved. Bye!
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